Tuesday, March 11, 2008

One Question

A friend sent me an email this week.

One line. One question.

Do you ever forget about God?

I felt like I had turned a corner and smacked into a wall that had been added without my knowledge.

I hit reply and reluctantly answered.

And my heart was broken.

I did not feel guilty. I did not feel condemned. I simply felt broken. Utterly sad.

I wrote her back.

I answered yes.

Then I asked, “What do we do now?”

And she replied, “Own up to it, as I did this morning to Him. He knows I can't drum up love for him, that it has to be poured into my heart from his unlimited resources.”

The stunning profoundness and incredible power of her answer…

Following my dear friend’s example, I too, owned up to it last night.

In black scrawls across the white pages of my journal I poured out my heart—and as I wrote I saw apathy, neglect, distraction, weariness, and lethargy.

The astounding reality is that He met me anyway.

I realized he has been prodding me. But often I fail to see his redirection. I am blind to the signs he blatantly places before me because I am so busy looking elsewhere. Absently I stare off into space—dawdling and pretending to be doing something real. I ignore the gentle tugs that would pull me away from the distractions.

Rival interests attempt and sometimes manage to overshadow God in my life. These shadowed interests steal in unnoticed—undetected until they have wrapped their stealthy tendrils around me, and I am suddenly gasping for air. For breath.

But (remember this divine conjunction?) He whispers in my ear and reminds me to breathe.

Take a deep breath, Tamera.

And once he has my attention again, he redirects me.

God watches me gather things and others to try and fill my own heart. Patiently he waits while I try to be self-sufficient and independent. How ridiculous? My resources are so temporary, so limited, so finite and so easily depleted. He will allow these to be stretched and exhausted in order that I may know the abundance of his.

He reminds me that even though I often forget him—he never forgets me. Never. I may feel he has, but my feelings are simply feelings. They are not fact. They may be my perceived reality, but they are not the reality.

And he will not allow me to forget him for long.

He will tell me to breathe.

Have you forgotten God?

Then own up to it…and breathe.

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