Thursday, January 23, 2014

A Release Lesson--I Should Have Known


I should have known. Yes, I should have.
As soon as I embraced my word for 2014 the Spirit began to teach. God wastes no time.
My word is RELEASE. And this word has taken on many flavors and nuances. Even in these first twenty-three days of the New Year. Three weeks and God has already been at work.
Earlier this week I found myself in a situation that challenged my commitment to allow God to work this word out in my life.
I made a hard phone call. One I really didn’t want to make. This phone call required a great deal of energy. A lot of swallowing of pride. Of hurt. I dialed the number and the person didn’t answer. I dialed their second number and I was informed they weren’t at home. I found myself breathing easier. Another day. Another day I would gird up my loins and do what needed to be done.
But.
Oh, you know what is coming, don’t you? Well, I’m glad you saw it coming because I didn’t.
Five minutes after I made that phone call, the sigh of relief wasn’t fully exhaled, I pulled into the parking lot of our grocery store. I needed to get a few items for dinner, just a rush trip—in and out. I drove down the main artery of the traffic flow (I always park on the same side, in the same row. I have trouble finding my car. Don’t laugh), and I look up.
There in the parking lot is the very person I tried to call.
Right there in front of me. Walking to their car.
My breath left me.
Really, Lord. Really? Are you serious?
I think I heard him laughing.
And the battle began. Fear welled up inside me. Panic constricted my throat.  
I pulled into a parking spot, put my car in park and looked back through my rear view mirror. Obviously God wanted me to talk to this person. But I wasn’t cleaned up. I hadn’t showered yet. I looked pretty rough. And it is one thing to talk to a person on the phone and another to talk to them in person. I sat there waffling and battling.
And I began to pray. Right out loud. He’s sitting right there with me. So, I just opened my mouth and started asking questions.
What do you want me to do, Lord?
You know the answer, Tamera.
How am I going to do that, Lord?
You know the answer, Tamera.

Do you have a different answer, Lord?
You know the right thing to do, Tamera. Do it.
I turned the car off. Opened the car door. Grabbed my purse and put one foot in front of the other. And I walked over to their car—quickening my pace because they would soon drive away. And the entire time I am praying. Out loud. In the parking lot. I am an incredibly animated person, so my head was bobbing and my hands were conducting. I’m sure others heard me or saw my mouth moving frantically and thought I was crazy. Talking to myself and answering.
But God did a beautiful thing. When He calls you to do the right thing he will give you everything you need. Everything.
In the moments between my car and theirs I prayed for grace. I prayed for release of fear and what they would think of me. What they might say to me. Or what they might not say.
It was the very right thing to do. The conversation was good. A very small space of healing occurred and I would have missed it if I hadn’t obeyed. I would have missed watching God pour out grace and keep his promise if I had ignored what he was doing. He went a long, long way to orchestrate this meeting for me. The person lives over fifty miles away. Did you catch that? Read it again. Fifty miles.
It could have been better. I could have said more. Perhaps, next time I will. But in that moment he helped me release fear and resistance and awkwardness. He gave me words. He gave me a gentleness and a compassion that was so needed. He helped me to do the right thing.
Today you may be asking God what he wants you to do. Maybe you need to make a phone call. Write a note. An email. A text. Maybe you need to go see someone.
And you are asking: Lord, what do you want me to do?
He is saying to you: You know the answer.
You know the right thing. Do it.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

What a timely word for me to read today. My half sister has not spoken to me for over 5 years - her choice after she chose not to believe that her father and my stepfather had abused me when I was a child. She has invited me to a party she is giving for our mother's 90th birthday this weekend. My husband and I are going and I am sure that God will give me the right words to say. Thank you!!

Tamera said...

Father, I pray for this beautiful and precious woman this morning again. Thank you for her. For her transparency. For her honesty. Thank you for her willingness to share both so that we might come alongside her and shore her up in this hard place. Father, I ask for you to show her the broad expanse of your grace. I ask that you would give her every tool and measure she needs to do this hard thing that shouldn't be hard, but it is. I ask for you to give her security and peace--both rooted and established in you so that circumstances and situations cannot change or move them. I pray for words and I pray for her mind to be renewed so that she can approach this with a new set of eyes and a transformed heart. Father, this situation is going to be awkward. Hard. Painful. But I pray you would remind her with tangible evidence that you will not leave nor forsake her in the midst of it. You will walk her THROUGH it. I ask for you to give her husband wisdom to aid her in this walk. I pray you would help him put his hand in the small of her back to support and comfort her. I pray he would speak peace to her...whispering it to her even in the middle of conversations. I pray, Father, for your love to secure her. Do not allow the old memories to fester. Do allow the old places of shame and hurt and fear to resurface. Let them be swallowed up in your power. Father, I pray you would show yourself might in this situation. We thank you ahead of time for what you will do. We ask that you go before this sweet woman...prepare her half-sister's heart, prepare her mama's heart. Let this be a time and place of healing rather than reopening of wounds long since covered. Heal, Father, as only you can. We thank you. We praise you. We give you ALL the glory. Amen and amen