One April
evening in 2017 we reached for your Mama and Daddy’s hands and led them into
the stillness of an empty sanctuary. At an altar we prayed for you; we prayed
for you to come, prayed for God to create you.
The
sanctuary walls bowed and bulged as we prayed, the longing filling up the
hollowness—the hollowness of the yearning transformed into a hallowedness, a
sacred place of waiting and preparation. Of learning to trust and believe and
have faith even when every month indicators reminded your parents that you were
not yet. The waiting continued. Longing and hope stretched to half a year,
three quarters of a year. A year. We continued to pray. Continued to ask. Ever
waiting.
But waiting,
honest waiting is never passive. And the wait God instigates is never futile or
fruitless. His wait is never a killing of time. No, with God it’s always a
filling of time to bring about the fullness of time. At just the right time God
sent your Mama and Daddy a son.
One night
your mama and her sisters and their mama gathered to eat. We gathered because
we needed each other—needed the familiarity and the deep-seeded love that is
present in us, even when is obscured or invisible. The currents of that night
we erratic—thrumming with something we could not name. We sat down with our tin
trays of barbecue and fried pickles and the let’s-get-situated commenced. But I
looked up at your Mama’s face and beheld something I had not seen in her
before—not fully.
At the
moment I could not discern it. I could not put a name on this countenance of
her face. This night was a girl’s night, a partial surprise in the middle of a
hard month of winter and events—when all is cold and barren and hibernating. I
looked up and in walked your Daddy. He’s a big man, but you do not hear his
footsteps; he walks easy.
My heart
rate bumped up for his presence was an indication of something out of the
ordinary. The men in our lives rarely interrupt the gathering of us. He sat down.
The expectancy on our faces, palpable. Even now, I can remember time slowing; I
did not count the seconds, but instead the moments as we stared at your Mama
and Daddy.
Years ago we awaited the advent of
Atlas, and I didn’t realize this glorious expansion would happen again and
again—this advent of children into our lives. Awaited. Anticipated.
Prayed-for-children.
So when the
words, the announcement, danced out of your mama that you were coming—we sat
and stared. And we started to cry, the cry of joy, of elation, of hope, of
breath released.
The
restaurant receded to a backdrop; we forgot those around us, unknown people
privy to the event beginning in us. Later I wondered if they pondered the
unfolding at our table.
Your
father’s face—so full of pride and joy. He beamed his low steady light, arms
already encompassing your mama already protecting.
I ugly-cried
at that table, overwhelmed with this holy gratefulness. My arm lifted, lifted
up into the air electric and permeated with something akin to fire. My hand
splayed forth, a silent witness to the miracle of you, to the glory of God.
Jeremiah,
your name means Jehovah is exalted. And that is exactly what we did when we
learned of you.
Much later,
one morning Gran and I joined your mama and daddy, and we gazed at a screen,
and you appeared. Bigger than life. Your little face, pressed and hidden inside
your mama’s frame, was achingly sweet and visibly distinct. We watched your
heartbeat (and ours beat faster), all four chambers pumping. The whooshing of
your waters grew loud in the room. Your fingers grasped and opened. And you
swallowed and turned your head. The grayscale images on the screen held your
grandmothers in awe. Her first, my fourth. And yet, we both fell in love,
perhaps at the same moment. Suddenly Jeremiah was more than an idea or a
stretch in your mama’s rounded belly. And we both wept (you’ll quickly learn we
cry a lot).
And again my
arm shot into the air—a witness to the reality of Psalm 139. God knit you
together in your mama’s womb. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. At that
moment I understood that you were called before you were born. Called as a
witness that prayers and hopes are answered.
In some way.
In some time. In some how.
Your very
existence, the coming of you, Jeremiah, increased your Noni’s faith. In you
there is this quiet testimony that the God of the Universe does bend down to
hear us; he hears the desires of our hearts. And he remembers.
Your arrival
in all senses for everyone was labor. Your mama and daddy labored the hardest
together, one flesh breathing and working for your emergence into this world.
The grandmothers and aunts and uncles labored in the waiting room. We (especially me) labored
to be patient, to exercise some self-control of being over-anxious. Each time
the door opened every head pivoted to see who emerged. (This seemed like Deja-vu
for some of us did the same when your cousins arrived). In the first fifteen
hours, we did not recognize the people who came through the door; they were not
of our tribe, our village. And we had to sit back down in our minds, return to
a place of waiting. I must confess I was impatient, concern for your mama
weighed heavy in me. It’s an interesting address to live at as a mother and a
grandmother.
But at last,
your daddy came to us—his face a subdued version of Moses’. He lit from within,
and everyone crowded him and hammered him with questions and hugs and tears. I
know we overwhelmed him, but he handled it as he does most things with grace
and ease and an infinite amount of patience. He held the same look as he did in
the restaurant when they announced your coming, but now this look was greater,
deeper, and it held even more awe.
He led the
grandparents back to you. Walked us into the quiet space where your mama held
you. And our world expanded. The borders of our hearts pushed back to encompass
the enormity of you. These two families bonded before by marriage and
friendship were now connected by blood—you.
The
convergence of all that we are merged in you, Jeremiah. And when your mama
handed you to me, I felt it. I felt the connective threads pull tightly,
drawing us into something far greater than ourselves. I looked down into your
tiny face—this merging of the grace of God—and saw for a split second the man
you would become and how proud I would be.
For a stretched moment I saw the family tree put forth another shoot. Another witness. Another beautiful child to remind us that there is hope.
Gran and Jeremiah |
Noni and Jeremiah |
3 comments:
As ever, your words somehow capture one of the most precious experiences life has brought us. Another shared witnessing of Gods grace. Immeasurably more. You are so gifted. And I love sharing so much, dear friend. Hugs!
Tears are forming as I read some of the most beautiful words ever. Thank you so much my dear friend. How blessed I am to partner with you on loving this angel as only a grandmother can 😉🤗
As concerning the Word of life, Luke 10 section 25-28 says: On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?" He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" "You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
Matthew 5 section 43-48 says: "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
In Old Testament, the Jewish people and their ancestors were given the Law to observe. First, What Adam and Eve should observe was that they could not eat the fruits from the tree of wisdom. Then, their son Cain was told that he should not kill. As sins became increased, the laws were also added more. Up to the generation of Moses, the Law in Old Testament was given to Israelites. We know that the Law is good and the Law is used to punish people who commit sins, but people cannot obey the Law because the sinful spirits are in people. Even that we know stealing and giving false testimony are sinful, but greedy and pride spirits in us drive us to do sinful things. So as Old Testament prophesied we need to get rid of our sinful nature from our spirits.
Ezekiel 36 section 24-27 says: "'For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
The prophecies are fulfilled when Jesus begins to teach love. The two greatest commandments are " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Love is above the Law and if people have love they are free from the law of sin and death. People who are full of love will not think about stealing or giving false testimony but are merciful and they feed hungry people or give thirsty people something to drink or invite strangers in or clothe people who need clothes. The Law is for people who commit sins. Nobody will say that he will get reward because he does not steal before. But love is the grace we get. And with love we will get eternal life.
Romans 13 section 8-10 says: Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
John 4 section 23-24 says: Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."
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