Portals

January 1, 2008

Ah, everyone is thinking about New Year’s resolutions:

To do, not do
Eat, not eat
Be more, be less
Listen more, talk less
Spend time, guard time
Create new habits, eradicate old ones
Have more fun, be more serious.

We want magical transformation. This season carries an aura of the unknown—With eagerness we scan the blank pages of our new day planners. Our calendar squares have not yet been filled. There are fixed dates: holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, but they are open and hollow. What will 2008 hold?

We have no idea.

2007 held events, encounters, and emotions that I would have never rightly imagined. I expected the highs and lows. But I did not anticipate the breadth, depth, and intensity of them.

There were challenges met and unmet.
Dreams realized and lost.
Nightmares revealed and dispelled.
Surprises opened and closed.
Mistakes confessed and ignored.
And there were failures acknowledged and shunned.

Last year on this day, I stood on the portal of 2007. The year was stretched before me like a grosgrain ribbon. If I had seen around and beyond the bends and twists of 2007 would I have continued?

God knew what I would face. He knew what those 365 days held.

Black days. Mean and smothering.
Bleak days. Gray-toned and flat.
Blissful days. Hopeful and light.
Banal Days. Surviving and coping.
Beautiful days. Revelatory and vivid.

In many ways I believe 2008 will be the same.

But I will not.

I am not the same woman who stood at 2007’s portal.

Even as I type those words, I am wonderfully startled. In this incredible moment I understand and recognize that I have great love and respect and hope for this woman.

Actually I like her.

I laugh with this new and stronger Tamera because we know the transformation has not been magical. No, it has taken hard work and deep grace. But it has been purposeful and beneficial.

We will link arms and traverse the grosgrain ribbon of 2008 together.